So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
