there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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