Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
