My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
