well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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