Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize