He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
