Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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