i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
