the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
