then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
