and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
