Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
