people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
