ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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