dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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