1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
