Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize