At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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