Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
