Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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