your parents love me but you hate me
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
