dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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