I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
