Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
