I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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