Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
