Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize