I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
