Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
