u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
party gras won. party gras always wins.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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