in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
