Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
