she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
