I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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