I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
