First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
