she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
God, I missed his penis.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
