she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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