Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
