I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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