I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
