Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize