just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
