That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
