Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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