I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Blood and glitter go together right?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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