yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
