I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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