I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Small penises have feelings too.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
