going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
