took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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