Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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