Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize