so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
