he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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