were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
