Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
