Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
