He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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