Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
