Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
