the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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