nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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