i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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